I must be feeling somewhat "normal" again, as I'm finally ready to put down in words everything that's in my head. Well, not everything - jeez, you don't want to go there, but a peek into my thoughts anyway.
I'm not very good with chaos. It's taken me a while to accept that this is the new normal and that I have to arrange our lives around the restrictions.
I've accepted it more easily than I'd have thought I would, given that these four walls usually suffocate me. I think it's because there's no choice, I've just had to figure out how to keep going. Learning how to use Zoom, how to cut hair and how to get a timely grocery delivery are among my new skills.
Our plans have changed quite a bit, as they have for so many people. I'm very aware of what a good situation we are in, given all of this, we have a nice house with a garden in a quiet area surrounded by some woods and a playing field. Hubby and I are both able to work from home and are busy enough that we continue to have enough money coming in. For us, the kicker has been that our plan to go abroad for 6 months has been shelved.
That was going to be our big reveal after starting homeschooling: we were going to the US for 6 months with Hubby's work.
Nothing was set in stone and nothing had been paid for yet (something else to be thankful for), but starting home education was part of getting ready for the trip.
Maybe we'll still get to go, who knows. Now it's time to assess whether home education is still the right path for us as a family, for our children. The trip wasn't the only reason for choosing to home educate, but it was the catalyst.
Right now we wouldn't be at school anyway. I think that's helped me get used to home educating (not that this was how I'd envisaged it) because I don't feel like the kids are "missing out" on anything more than their peers are. So for now I'm going to try to enjoy the moment (not my usual approach) and make notes and lists (much more me), try not to over assess or over obsess (quite likely) and see how it all pans out. I'll let you know.
So far, we've settled into a comfortable routine. I now work every weekday afternoon instead of one long and two short days. Hubby is tucked away in the office all day and the kids work comfortably at the dinner table.
We go out together for a walk or a run every morning in the week. At the weekend we slob around. They do regular karate lessons via Zoom and I've now arranged Zoom piano lessons too with their teacher from school. They do maths and English every day, some days they're in the mood, some days not. Some days I yell, some days they moan, some days we laugh, some days we sing.
They're happy, they're healthy, they're bonding, they're learning. They have moments when I have to separate them, but that's par for the course. They're becoming more creative and inquisitive and I'm starting to see it and starting to accept that I might actually be doing OK.
It's OK not to be OK. Just keep swimming.